


I've been so lonely, The world turns so slowly

by hakuto_jelly



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: 3 days, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Canon Compliant, Depressed TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Emotional Manipulation, Exiled TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Fox Hybrid Floris | Fundy, Henry the Cow - Freeform, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lonely TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Manipulative Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Manipulative Relationship, Post-Manberg-Pogtopia War on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), President Toby Smith | Tubbo, References to Depression, Songfic, Stockholm Syndrome, Suicidal Thoughts, The Author Regrets Nothing, Toby Smith | Tubbo Angst, Toby Smith | Tubbo Misses TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo-centric, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Misses Toby Smith | Tubbo, TommyInnit-centric (Video Blogging RPF), i listened to letter to mr president/letter to a dead friend on repeat for like, i need help pls, no beta we die like tommy falling off his scaffolding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:55:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28470489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hakuto_jelly/pseuds/hakuto_jelly
Summary: Tommy's final letter to a former friend, and Tubbo's final letter to a dead one.||Based off of Kanaya and Precious Jewel Amor's songs "Letter To Mr President/Letter To A Dead Friend"
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 2
Kudos: 65





	I've been so lonely, The world turns so slowly

**Author's Note:**

> TW | Suicidal Thoughts/Intentions, Talk of Emotional Manipulation and Toxic Relationships

_Dear Mr. President,_

_How have you been?_

_I've been so lonely,_

_The world turns so slowly,_

Tears mixed with the ink of his quill as Tommy sat in the hot sand. Despite the feelings of grief and sadness and the memory of his lonely pity party, he sat on the beach where he realized that Dream was his only friend. ~~_That was a lie, in the end. Dream was only there to watch him. He didn’t care. No one did._~~ Tommy sniffled, inhaling the smell of salt and seafoam, scent blowing on the cool ocean breeze.

_I'm here for a good time,_

_Not for a long time,_

_The sun never rises,_

_On the right side since you're gone,_

He squinted upwards, towards the sky and the clouds blowing on the breeze. It seemed so calm up there, so relaxing. He’d be able to float away, like the sound of his discs and their melodies as they went to whatever better place there was beyond the sunset. Towards home. Towards Tubbo.

_I'm counting down my days,_

_Wishing that I could see you again,_

_Before I end all the pain,_

_I wish I have more time,_

As he sat, he mourned the deaths of the pets he’d had, before Sapnap came and took them away from him. ~~_Their lives were so easily stolen away, like the breath from his lungs when he thought about before. Before exile, back when he still had Tubbo by his side. He stifled a sob at the thought, numbness filling his chest with memories of betrayals and bloodshed and fighting and explosions. He was so tired. He didn’t want to think anymore._~~ He missed them. Missed Harold and Harvey and Mushroom Henry and Henry. (He missed Henry the most, he thinks. Henry was an icon of warmth and comfort to him, as important as his discs.)

He regrets the mistakes he made, the ones that cost him his friends, his family. He wished that he had more time to mend the broken relationships he had caused, fix all of the problems he caused. He wished he had more time to fix everything before he’s gone. ~~_He knew he didn’t._~~

_Don't you remember you call me your Tommy,_

_We were supposed to fight the tyranny,_

_But I've swallowed the cold, the bitter truth,_

_Everything just leads back to you._

Despite everything, Tommy didn’t hate Tubbo. It hurt to think about him, but he couldn’t bear the thought of living without him. Tubbo was his everything. He looked down at the compass that lay around his neck, reaching a bandaged hand up to tightly clutch the chain. ~~_If the compass slowly grew splattered with water droplets, he wouldn’t admit it. Big men don’t cry, Tommy. You’re a Big Man, right?_~~

_Dear Mr. President,_

_It's been a long time,_

_It feels kind of cold, though,_

_But I think I've found my warmth,_

He was cold, cold in a way that the thickest blanket or the brightest fire couldn’t fix. The coldness seeped through a hole in his chest, in his heart. ~~_The hole was Tubbo. Everything always came back around to him. He was the most important person to Tommy. He missed him so, so much._~~ He stared down at his reflection. It was dirty and its clothes were torn. Its hair was messy and the blue of the water didn’t hide the fact that the blue of its eyes were fading to a dull grey. ~~_He didn’t like looking at it anymore. He didn’t like seeing how different he had become. He didn’t want to accept that the boy who was being reflected in the still ocean water was him. He wanted to go home._~~

_But I thought it was us against the world?_

_What is there now to be worth fighting for?_

_Trace back my steps, feeling unsure._

He lay the signed book on the ground next to him, his feet swinging idly high above the ground. _Dream was just here to watch me,_ he whispered to himself. _He was just here to watch me._ His thoughts swirled in his brain, pounding against his aching skull. He leaned a little farther over the edge, staring down at the world around him. He could barely see the remains of Logstedshire as it burned below him. Looking to the side, he could see the rising smoke of a cabin far in the distance. _The tundra,_ his mind supplied. _Dream was here to watch me._

He stood and held a foot over the edge. It was a far drop from the top of his tower, and he hesitated at the thought. _He was just here to watch me._

_Don't you remember I call you my Tubbo,_

_We were supposed to fight together,_

_But the world seems to grow colder,_

_Everything will lead back to you,_

As he trudged through the icy cold of the tundra in the direction of Technoblade’s cabin, he shivered at the thought of what he had almost done. He needed to get his discs back. He needed them, and once he had them, he’d finally be complete. ~~_Never mind the fact that he wouldn’t have Tubbo by his side anymore. Never mind the fact that his aching heart still yearned for his best friend, for his family, and that he, in fear of another heartbreak, another betrayal, tried to fill the hole with something that was useless without the memories behind it._~~

_Everything will lead back to you,_

_Everything will lead back to you._

He settled into his piss hole, surrounded by stolen gapples and potions that he snatched from the chests in the cabin above his head like the fucking raccoon he is. He pulled the woolen blanket tighter around his shoulders in an attempt to conserve warmth that was being given off from the torch on the wall next to him. He craned his ears, listening for the light-but-weighted footsteps of the owner of his new home. Hearing nothing but the soft mooing of a cow and the gentle thudding of the fallen snow, he slowly relaxed, falling into a dearly-needed sleep. As he went, his last thoughts seemed to echo through the air around him. _Goodbye, Tubbo._

_Sincerely,_

_Your Tommy._

**Author's Note:**

> Why do I only ever write productively when listening to something on loop for literal hours at a time, please help me.


End file.
